Dawn (alphasunrise) wrote,

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Getting back into the habit

When I flew home to see Grandma, I pretty much got out of the habit of writing.

My whole world felt disjointed, both on the personal level with Grandma's passing, and also on the professional level as my billet shifted to a new command.

If it wasn't for SIU, I didn't write it. Oh, there were a few coposts here and there in the Weyr, but I didn't start any and sometimes they languished in my inbox.

The who-the-hell-am-I feelings came back, too.

As I said in an earlier post, I am finally feeling more like me. I'm getting back into the swing of things. I'm writing more fanfic posts, because those are what got me rolling on writing other stuff. And you know what? The more I reconnect with my fandom characters, the more my _other_ characters start reviving. The AFW characters are opening up the doors in my head.

See, the thing is, sometimes I feel...like I'm playing at writing. I don't have lots of stories out making the rounds, I haven't accumulated a pile of rejections or acceptances, and I don't rack up big wordcounts on the novel every day.

But maybe that's not the way to define Writer-Dawn? Maybe it's the amusement at a bad haiku poking at the Sierra Club, or the satisfaction of driving the hubby close to an athsma attack over a fake memory meme, or the warm feeling of making someone cry over a sappy fanfic post, or just the personal happiness of tying up loose plot ends.

The joy in the crafting and the pleasure in the sharing...that's what I want to keep. Anything else is icing on the cake. And if having that attitude means that I'll never be categorized as a professional writer, then I'll live with it, just like I live with the knowledge that I'll never see a star for my anchor.

But I'll enjoy the ride.

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